“Stress Testing” The Resolving Activities

In referring to the charts, it has been common for me to say at the end of a presentation, “There are only two things I can say with absolute certainty about them. The first is that the content in them helps me with resolving the Injunctive Messages. When I find myself in the grips of the misery and struggle that goes with the left side of the charts, the material on the right side gives me direction, comfort and perspective. 

“The second is that I can say with utter conviction that it is better to live most of one’s life from the right side with its contentment and acceptance than the left side with its misery and struggle.”

There is now a third thing I can say with similar conviction. The charts will never be finished. Dr. Friedman would often say two things: “A successful life is an unfinished life,” and “The essence of life is that it is unfinished.” I write this with a feeling of some humility about my late lamented article, “Good Enough is Good Enough.” In it I pronounced the charts to be basically done, only to find out my brain was not finished with them. Or perhaps one could say the charts were not finished with me.

It would be incorrect to think that what came in the charts prior to the current one was wrong, inaccurate or even inferior. The wording in those charts were the result of arduous thought and good intention. But there are many keen minds contributing to this material and they offer up wording that is more impactful, clearer and contains more heft. 

When one finds a map is not as accurate as it could be, adjustments are made. This is such a map. The goal is to help release people from the tyranny of the left side so they might progress to freedom of the right side.

That migration might look easy or simple on paper. Again, I quote my friend Meyer Friedman in referring to the task of replacing what he called Type A Behavior with Type B Behavior, “It will be the hardest thing you ever do.” He did not exaggerate nor was he hyperbolic. He said that not to discourage but to warn people that the goal was worthy but not easy. That was his proposed antidote to the feeling of discouragement from predictable setbacks.

Rome was not built in a day.” Neither are the pathways in our brains rewired overnight.

Stress Testing the Resolving Activities

The middle column on the right side of the charts is headed: THE RESOLVING ACTIVITY. It contains directives for how to behave and how to think. The goal of these directives is to help people establish new habits. When someone looks at the list of recommended behaviors, he or she will have one of two responses.

On the one hand the behaviors and thoughts recommended will seem unnecessary because the person already has these habits in everyday use. Or they will seem completely nonintuitive and even astonishing. Remember Dr. Friedman observed, “Common sense often seems fantastical to those who have lost their own.”

If someone suffers intensely from a specific Injunctive Message, then most likely the Resolving Activity will not be a familiar behavior. The absence of the life enhancing quality of the Resolving Activities is yet another diagnostic sign of the presence of a particular Injunctive Message.

In writing this article I sought to “stress test” each of the Resolving Activities against the Coping Behavior to see if it provided a good counter to it. In the charts that follow you will see RED denoting changes in the wording found in earlier charts. The goal of changing the wording is to increase accuracy and power of the charts. Many of the changes on the pages that follow reflect my belief that what now appears comes closer to that goal.

An Antidote

 If one has been bitten by a venomous snake, it might offer some immediate relief for that person to be given aspirin or some any other pain reliever on the way to the hospital. The aspirin lessens the pain from the poison coursing through the person’s system. It is not the antidote to the snake bite. It will not neutralize the damage being done if left untended.

 Upon arriving at the hospital optimal treatment requires the antidote, in this case the antivenom that neutralizes the venom, protects from further damage, and allows for healing. The Resolving activities are the antidote to the Coping Behaviors. With use over time the Resolving Activities can replace the use of the Coping Behaviors as the immediate response to a stimulating event.

 Barring a successful response to the stimulating event, we use the “aspirin” to cover the pain instead of using the “antidote” to the latest “snake bite.” It happens. The Coping Behaviors are ancient responses and will not surrender their place in our behavior willingly. Some part of us remembers, consciously or unconsciously that the Coping Behavior have seemed our allies in past situations. Remember, many smokers refer to their cigarettes as my “little friends or my little buddies.” Some friends.

 In those oft repeated circumstances, we remember the Resolving Activity exists and we can switch to it. The use of the Resolving Activities begins to anchor us to the right side of the charts. Remember, it is far better to live from the right side of the charts than from the left. The solution on the left side (the Coping Behaviors) may offer more immediate relief (so does a cigarette), but does not remove the poison from the system, it only covers the pain. Unresolved Injunctive Messages are a source of toxins.

The Origin of the Resolving Activities

In this paper I have already mentioned Dr. Friedman’s name many times. The reason for this is simple. He coined the phrase, “Type A Behavior” (TAB) and demonstrated its causative impact on coronary heart disease. He further demonstrated that reducing TAB and replacing it with what he termed “Type B Behavior” provided substantial protection from coronary heart disease and its progression. Astonishing stuff.

He developed three simple tools to aid a person in moving from a life characterized by TAB to one characterized by Type B Behavior. TAB is a cluster of thirty observable behaviors that demonstrate an overuse of urgency about time (“Hurry Sickness”) and an overuse of irritation (“Free Floating Hostility”). It is not using either of these behaviors that is the problem. It is the overuse, the “hammer” for every “nail” one encounters.

Early in my career I had many opportunities to travel internationally to conduct training on a new therapeutic concept called “Redecision Therapy” that had been conceived by my teachers, Bob and Mary Goulding. Exciting times. My new wife would often accompany me creating grand adventures. Wonderful memories.

 There was a pattern upon our return home. I would immediately (Time Urgency) go through all the mail that had accumulated even though I was tired, and jetlagged.

Something in that accumulated pile of mail would inevitably upset me causing me to feel helpless and frustrated in a moment that should have been accompanied by feelings of accomplishment and gladness to be home.

 My response was to spring into action, and I would spend time furiously (Free Floating Hostility) seeking to remedy the situation further exhausting myself. Did I mention that my Coping Behavior in that time was to frequently exhaust myself when it wasn’t called for? I had no voice that calmed me or offered up the commonsense option of resting a day or two before opening my mail.

 Had I known that my behavior in those moments was not only optimal or necessary but also a manifestation of the DON’T BE WELL Injunctive Message, I might have had the opportunity to pause and consider other responses to the predictable situation. But I didn’t and therefore had no protection from the use of the Coping Behavior, frequent exhaustion. It never seemed ironical to me that I was young and blessed with great energy but often exhausted.

 The thought of asking for help or advice for how to better handle those situations never occurred to me. But I was seeking to prove myself strong (The Defiant Decision) and had no inkling of the Resolving Activity, “Think and say the words, ‘Help me’ frequently.” That was as foreign to me as the dark side of the moon.

 The three tools developed for the program to reduce and replace TAB are simple in concept, if not so easy to put into daily practice. But those who did employ all three significantly reduced their TAB and obtained measurable protection from coronary heart disease.

 The three tools were: 1) Develop a Monitor, an alter ego that can recognize TAB when we are using it and correct it; 2) develop a “relaxation response” to trivial events (anything we will not remember in five years); and 3) the practice of what the program called “Drills.”

 The drills were the essence of simplicity. They were prescribed daily activities to perform each day of the week for a month when the participants would be given a new set for the next month. Here is an example of a week of drills:

Monday: Seek a long line to stand in.
Tuesday: Eat more slowly.
Wednesday: Linger at the table after a meal.
Thursday: Verbalize affection to spouse/children.
Friday: Smile while reliving happy memories.
Saturday: Drive in the middle lane of the freeway.
Sunday: Use the phrase, “Maybe I was wrong” today.

As simple as these drills are to read, they feel like climbing Mount Everest to a person afflicted with TAB. To that person they are not intuitive. To a person who is not afflicted with Type A Behavior their response is, “But I do these behaviors all the time.”

While receiving my monthly haircut, I became aware that my barber of many decades, Charlie did not do two things at once. If he was answering a question, he stopped cutting my hair, then he would resume. Polyphasic behavior, doing two things at once to “save time” is quite common among people afflicted with TAB.

 I asked him one day if he ever became irritated in traffic. He paused. He stopped cutting my hair and said, “I don’t. I see other people getting upset, sometimes very upset. It is strange.” At the time Dr. Friedman was looking for a few people who were not harried with Time Urgency of Free-Floating Hostility. He was doing a small study. I referred Charlie for an interview as a possible subject. He possessed virtually no TAB.

For someone not afflicted with the DON’T BE WELL Injunctive Message, it does not seem odd to rest when exhausted or to call in more help when stymied. But the person suffering from it sees their exhaustion as a sign of courage on their way to becoming a strong person. 

The drills were not just kindly suggestions for the person to consider but were assigned behaviors to practice. No amount of understanding of TAB leads to its resolution. No amount of looking at a list of Injunctive Messages and identifying a few will lead to the resolution of those messages. Dr. Friedman once said, “To be different, act different.”

The drills were the antidote to TAB. One never gets rid of their TAB any more than one forgets how to ride a bicycle. No one “gets rid of” or “finishes” an Injunctive Message. The issue is how quickly the Coping Behavior emanating from it is recognized. If it is not recognized, then the antidote cannot be applied. Those are moments we find ourselves on the left side of the charts. It happens quickly and habitually.

Below are five charts listing all the Coping Behaviors for each category of Injunctive Message with the corresponding Resolving Activity.

Read through the list and ask yourself if the proposed Resolving Activity seems plausible as an antidote to the Coping Behavior and as a more healing habit to possess. Keep in mind that the RAs are intended to replace the CBs as a source of comfort in moments of stress. It takes willful intention to substitute a n RA for a familiar CB. It is the process of replacing thinking/behavior habits that provided instant if temporary comfort with those that provide a deeper and more lasting source of comfort.

The Coping Behaviors are comforting for the user, but that comfort is only temporary relief from an underlying issue that is not healed using them, only exacerbated over time. The goal of the Resolving Activities is to introduce a more effective, if not more immediate means of comforting oneself. The comfort derived from learning to substitute them for the CB’s is lasting and healing.

In looking through these charts it is impossible to miss all the RED INK. That ink represents changes in wording from the last version of the charts.

 The charts are never finished. I thank you in exploring with me this important search.

And remember, the left side of the charts contain struggle and misery for they are dedicated to proving a falsehood wrong. The right side is full of contentment in the process of living and acceptance of what is unavoidable, both the difficult and the joyful. May the material here aid you on your personal journey through life as you assist others on theirs.

REFERENCES

Type A Behavior and your Heart by Meyer Fridman and Ray Rosenman. 1974. This is Dr. Friedman’s first book on TAB.

**Treating Type A Behavior and your Heart by Meyer Friedman and Diane Ulmer. 1984. This is his second book on TA and is sufficient to understand his teaching and research.

Type A Behavior: Its Diagnosis and Treatment. 1996. This book is only of interest to someone who wishes to learn how to conduct groups for the purpose of modifying TAB.

Aspiring to Kindness: Transforming Male Type A Behavior by John R. McNeel. 2020. This is my book and is available at no charge on my website: https://www.aspiringtokindness.com/aspiringtokindnessbook. It is also available from me in print form. Please email me: jrmcneel44@gmail.com to arrange delivery.

*I have included these titles in case anyone wishes to read more about Type A Behavior.

**Because men with Type A behavior are time urgent, I do not recommend they read the entirety of Dr. F’s book, Treating TAB and Your Heart. Historically, I direct them to chapters 2, 11 & 12. In my estimation they are remarkable chapters for the information and wisdom they contain. I have read them countless times and still glean new insights with each new reading.