Remembering Jim Gill, M.D., S.J.
There is a closing for my Type A groups I have been using for more than a quarter of a century. I now also use it to close my general treatment groups as well. The closing goes as such:
WE ARE HERE BECAUSE WE REALIZE WE NEED MORE HELP THAN WE CAN GIVE OURSELVES. WE NEED EACH OTHER. SO, MAY OUR EFFORTS TOGETHER BE OF BENEFIT TO EACH ONE AND MAY FRIENDSHIP, LAUGHTER*, AND LOVE BRING ENRICHMENT TO OUR LIVES AND TO ALL WHOSE LIVES ARE IN OUR CARE. WE ACKNOWLEDGE THIS GRATEFULLY. AMEN.
This simple, yet profound closing, or “benediction” was written by Dr. Jim Gill. Dr. Gill was no ordinary person. During his lifetime, he was the only person in the United States who was both a board certified psychiatrist and a Jesuit Priest. That is a combination.
I don’t know how he and Dr. Friedman met one another, but it was propitious. Dr. Gill was an active group leader during Dr. Friedman’s first massive study on the effects of reducing the incidence of Type A Behavior (TAB). The study was called the Recurrent Coronary Prevention Project (RCPP). It involved over 900 participants, 600 of whom were in treatment and 300 as controls. They were mostly men and all had had at least one myocardial infarction (MI), a heart attack.
That study demonstrated conclusively that reducing TAB provided abundant protection from another heart attack. This was in the time before statin drugs, bypass surgery, or stints. At that time, the population that was most in danger of having an MI was someone who had experienced a previous one. That is because there was no way to repair the damage from the first infarct. The RCPP was an important milestone in the treatment of coronary heart disease.
As a leader of eight of the treatment groups, Dr. Gill flew out from Harvard, Connecticut every two weeks to conduct them at Mt. Zion Hospital in San Francisco. His groups had the fewest recurrences of MI’s of any of the groups. Dr. Friedman always said that the RCPP had been a treatment success because of Dr. Gill.
Dr. Gill was also instrumental in the philosophical, even theological, development of the treatment modality. He certainly didn’t preach the Christian Gospel in the midst of this scientific endeavor, but he not only taught the power of influence, he lived it. In recognition of the evolutionary effect Dr. Gill had on both himself and the staff of counselors, Dr. Friedman, along with his co-author Dianne Ulmer dedicated his second book on TAB, Treating Type A Behavior and Your Heart, in 1985:
We dedicate this book to James J. Gill, a devout Jesuit priest and a distinguished physician. We do so in appreciation of his making love a more meaningful spiritual power both to the counselors and to the participants he advised in the Recurrent Coronary Prevention Project.
Including being a professor at Harvard University for many years, Dr. Gill was also the founder of a quarterly magazine: Human Development. He traveled extensively throughout the world training and teaching. He told me he logged over 250,000 on United Airlines alone in just one year. He was sitting in his hotel room in Paris one night when he received a phone call from a United representative. They asked him if he was engaged that evening. When he said he was not, they invited him to dinner at Michelin four-star restaurant. “Why?” he asked. “Just to show our appreciation,” they said.
In speaking to me of his past, he told me he received a great gift from his father; the phrase: “Why not enjoy this?” He said his father would use this question on himself when he was in situations that were nerve racking, but not dangerous. Jim said he employed this same phrase often in his high-profile life. He specifically cited two times in telling me about this. One time was just before he went on Larry King Live (then a radio show) and the other was when he was to make a presentation before the College of Cardinals at the Vatican. Yikes!
In this past November, I was about to do a four-hour presentation in Tokyo to 270 therapists from all over Japan. In the moments before literally going on stage, I could feel my pulse quicken and a deep and familiar feeling of apprehension cloying my stomach. As my friend and colleague, Nobu Kurinari, sat next to me backstage holding my hand, I saw my conversation with Dr. Gill and heard his familiar refrain, “Why not enjoy this?” I did. Actually, I had a great time.
As far as I know, there are no copyright issues involved with Dr. Gill’s closing benediction. It is free for all to use. If the reader conducts group therapy, I recommend it to you. It contains vast wisdom and has a compounding effect over time. The famous baseball player, Pete Rose, once said that one day he realized he knew the words to the national anthem. That was after he had heard it at the beginning of ball games hundreds if not thousands of times.
Conservatively, I would estimate that I have used this closing six to seven thousand times, very possibly more. In the treatment program where I learned it, we had it written out so that the group counselor could intone it to one of the group members as we circled and held hands. Later, groups also came to know it by heart and we would say it together in a similar circle. Today, I use a slightly different approach. I speak a portion and then the group repeats it, circled, hands held. Here is my cadence:
WE ARE HERE
BECAUSE WE REALIZE
WE NEED MORE HELP
THAN WE CAN GIVE OURSELVES
WE NEED EACH OTHER
SO MAY ALL OUR EFFORTS TOGETHER
BE OF BENEFIT TO EACH ONE
AND MAY FRIENDSHIP, LAUGHTER*, AND LOVE
BRING ENRICHMENT TO OUR LIVES
AND TO ALL WHOSE LIVES ARE IN OUR CARE
WE ACKNOWLEDGE THIS GRATEFULLY
AMEN.
In our hyper-vigilant PC age the “Amen” is optional, too much like a prayer for some. That’s ok. I remember one participant I asked to read it years ago from the written copy. He came to “We acknowledge this gratefully,” and said, “The End.” Fair enough.
The reason for the asterisk and the red lettering for the word, “Laughter,” is because that is not in the original equation. I am happy to say that this is my addition following the advice of many of my group members. They were referring to the amount of sheer hilarity that often occurs in the process of changing Type A Behavior for a group that is tuned into it. “You wouldn’t believe what I did last week.” “See if you can top this one.” “How many years have I been doing this?” “Can I have my money back?”
Speaking of money back, or not exactly, I do tell prospective members of my Type A groups that I will offer them a deal. If they come to group for a full year and are not happy with their progress with the work, they can have a full refund. “I can?” “Yes,” I tell them, “You can have the entirety of your misery back. After modifying your behavior for such a short time, you will have no problem shedding all of your new behavior and returning entirely to your former self!”
Laughter. It’s good.
The above statement is also true. One cannot change permanently a behavior pattern as pervasive as Type A behavior in just one year. I’m sorry, but it’s true. As Dr. Friedman often said, “Changing your TAB will be the hardest thing you will ever do.”
I think the most important part of this closing is the opening line: “We are here because we realize we need more help than we can give ourselves.” Dr. Friedman often referred to what he called, “The sweetness of dependency.” Dr. Gill lived that and taught so many others. The gift of this closing is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what he gave to others.
Dr. Gill also knew not to overburden others He knew how to keep his own counsel. During Dr. Friedman’s 90th birthday celebration at his favorite Chinese restaurant in San Francisco, he gently chided Dr. Gill because he was puffy from gaining weight. What Dr. Friedman did not ever know (he died shortly before his 91st birthday) is that Dr. Gill was dying from inoperable prostate cancer, diagnosed five years previous. The puffiness came from his steroidal medications. Jim never told him. He knew it would have been a weight too heavy for the aged man he loved so much.
That aged man, reticent to claim any religious leanings, would often say to me with evident satisfaction, “You know, Jim Gill tells me he prays for me every day.”
We can learn great things when we allow great women and men to touch our lives.